NOTE: Although I do take issue with some of Payton's definitions here, this is not meant to reflect on the validity or non-validity of any other statements Mr. Payton has made. A typo does not a liar make!
Great! Nicholas Payton! Love that guy!
But seriously, Nicholas Payton has written another manifesto on his blog. I'm sure it will be extensively covered in the jazz community here in this small, cozy world of the Internet, and I really don't care enough to go into it more myself. I've said my piece on the actual issues, and you can read that here. But I don't want to be left behind as Payton, jazz trending topic of the year, makes more news. I might lose blog hits, and we all know how important those are! So, to stay current but retain my sanity, I'm tackling the one thing that really, really bothers me about Payton: the guy doesn't bother to use freakin' spell check on his manifestos. Here goes:
1. "Can NOT" is technically correct (although the use of capital letters could be seen as melodramatic, and even be confused with an acronym, since Payton often uses BAM, another three-letter capitalized word). However, Payton uses "cannot" later in the post. I would suggest using one or the other. "Cannot" would probably be better, since it's easier to read and is more common.
2. "Prejudice" should be "prejudiced." The way he has it now, Payton is saying that African-Americans can literally be prejudice, which is like saying that someone can be hunger or be microwave oven. That's pretty easily fixed, though.
3. In "President of The United States," the word "the" shouldn't be capitalized. Words such as "at," "and," "of," or "the" are usually left lowercase, because they aren't the main words of the title being written.
4. "Black." I have no problems with Payton capitalizing the word "Black" - it's a commonly accepted convention - but he should keep it consistent, as later on in the article he writes "black." Since the uppercase version appears most often, he should stick with this.
5. "To that I say" is a bit archaic, but if Payton wants that grandiose effect, that's an aesthetic choice to be respected. However, the phrase is more commonly followed by a colon, not a comma. This helps the reader make sense of what is being said, and helps the overall flow of the words. It's a small detail, but an important one.
6. This isn't a grammar problem, but I'll mention it anyway. Payton should really delve a little deeper into the ideas behind his assertion that "Black people cannot be racists," because "they don't control anything" is really another point, not supporting evidence for the first statement. This is all subjective on Payton's part, so I don't expect him to come up with hard facts, but he does need to support his statements a little more clearly before moving on or repeating them. He's the one making the point, so it really is on him to provide that support.
7. In the phrase, "Black people cannot be racists," "racists" should be "racist," as he is describing a group, not a list of individual persons.
8. I would think about changing the second "Someone said to me," as it appears just a paragraph or two before. Something more powerful could be substituted, which would then help keep the reader engaged.
9. Again, I would delve a little deeper into the distinction Payton is making between "prejudice" and "racism" - not because he's wrong, but because the commonly accepted view of these two things is that they're interchangeable. Since Payton is challenging that conventional wisdom, he really needs to do a bit more work to make his own delineations clear.
10. The same goes for Payton's "definition of racism." This is going to be unfamiliar to a lot of readers (at the phrasing will be, if not the actual concept), so a little more legwork needs to be done to support that statement.
11. "Black dominated" should be hyphenated.
12. I would, again, give some evidence of - or at least dwell a while longer on - what the "White power structure" is specifically, beyond the general understanding. This will greatly improve the clarity and power of the writing.
13. "To not hire" is awkward sentence construction, and could be revised.
14. Since Payton has already defined racism with different phrasing, perhaps the second "This is the definition of racism" could be omitted. Letting the reader do some of the work in drawing conclusions can greatly increase the effectiveness of an argument, as they are working out he logic for themselves, and so feel involved in what is being said.
15. "Blacks create." I would think about changing the tense of this to "created," as it implies that only Blacks can play the music being discussed, which is in direct contradiction to the end of the paragraph.
16. "Someone said." This is the third time. Using this same vague lead-in could make a reader think that maybe someone didn't actually say this to Payton, and that he might just be making these quotes up and using an awkward literary device to insert them into his piece. Also, ellipses are composed of only three periods, like this: "...", unless they are ending a sentence, in which case they are four. Usually they should be avoided, unless they signify an omission in a cited quote or are necessary for literary effect, which I would say this are not.
17. The reason for again stating, "That ain't racism, that's prejudice," is unclear, as it appears Payton is now describing non-Black tormentors. If that is not the case, the description should be clarified to make that evident. And again, it wouldn't hurt to dwell on the connections between the situation described and "that is racism," because it never hurts to make connections clear. Never assume a reader is on the same page as the writer; even if they are most of the time, there are situations where they'll be happy for the explication.
18. "Someone said." See above. If this is meant to be a motif, it should lead the article and every instance of it should be identical, i.e., with quotation marks after the "Someone said" lead-in.
19. I would avoid alienating readers with a statement like "I suggest you do some spiritual homework." Because Payton bears the responsibility of convincing us of his point, it doesn't help his case to accuse his readers of being ignorant or lazy in their understanding of that same point, especially as he has provided no evidence of us being that way generally.
20. "There has also been rumblings" should be "There have also been rumblings."
21. In the same sentence, the second "that" is redundant. A corrected version of the whole paragraph, with corrections in italics:
There have also been rumblings that, because my latest album is entitled Bitches, I’m a misogynist. A misogynist is someone who hates women. I love women - too much, if anything. I mean, really, would a racist misogynist have a band like this?
The explanation for why not should really be made clear after the video. Just in case we don't get it.
22. "Someone said to me." Motif or not, this is annoying.
23. "Crescent city" should be "Crescent City."
24. There should be a colon after "Here's the thing," not a comma.
25. Is "regime" the right word choice? Also, "was" should be "were." Corrected, with a suggested solution to "regime":
"Mark Morial’s or Ray Nagin’s pro-Black, New Orleans attitudes were hardly racist ideologies in light of the larger picture of America at the time."
26. "May" can be omitted in the same paragraph.
27. The argument for "colorism" is weak not only because it is supported by no in-depth reasoning. It is also weak grammatically, because of the earlier distinction between "racism" and "prejudice." It would be better for clarity if Payton stuck to "prejudice" instead of adding a third term so late in the game. As far as the argument goes, a white person could easily say the same exact thing about African-Americans. If Africa isn't a world power and thus cannot be racist, what about South Africa? Payton bears the burden of proving his points, and so should go deeper with this one instead of letting it stand as fact with little explanation.
28. To add a real person's name into the repeated "Someone said" place is a mistake. We've grown accustomed to one thing, and now we're being pulled out of the experience of reading the article by an unexpected change in form. Add names throughout or let Malone remain "Someone."
29. At the beginning of this section, Payton specifically mentioned "White people" as being upset with him. Later, he says "folks of all races." Stick with one or the other, as the way it is now weakens both and distracts the reader.
30. Fact check, from Wikipedia:
According to the Henry Holt Encyclopedia of Word and Phrase Origins the word "blacklist" originated with a list England's King Charles II made of fifty-eight judges and court officers who sentenced his father, Charles I, to death in 1649. When Charles II was restored to the throne in 1660, thirteen of these regicides were executed and twenty-five sentenced to life imprisonment, while others escaped.
This research should have been done by Payton. It makes his rhetoric look superficial, and a bit petty. Also, the idea that no African-Americans hold positions of power anywhere in the world is weak. Barack Obama, Wynton Marsalis, even Tyler Perry, all hold positions of power and could blacklist people if they so chose. Obama fired the white Stanley McChrystal for speaking out of turn, Marsalis doesn't hire women, and Tyler Perry probably does something like that, too.
31. The "power = racism" point is weak. Example: power is not only on the official level, but is also on the personal level. Ten whites beating a black man because of his skin color in a white-dominated state is certainly racism, but so is ten black guys beating a white guy for the color of his skin in a white-dominated state. It's not only prejudice, and I believe that discriminating on the basis of skin color is, literally, "colorism." It's a weak argument.
32. The Black man also has power in the White House.
33. "I believe this wholeheartedly from a scientific standpoint" should be reverse, i.e., "From a scientific standpoint, I believe this wholeheartedly."
34. In the same paragraph, "defines" should be "define."
35. In the same paragraph, the comma after "That is why the race construct exists" should be a colon.
36. Omit the "least offensive one" sentence. It's unnecessary and only invites contradiction.
37. The same goes for that whole paragraph, actually. I recently saw a clip of Lyndon Johnson, who said, "I'm not saying you've never had it so good, but that's a fact, isn't it?" It's a tired rhetorical device that's better avoided, since Payton is saying it.
38. I would fact-check "no place on the globe," and I would also consider acknowledging that, in the past, non-whites have done the same thing, i.e., Japan and China, or China and Tibet.
39. "Peoples" in the same paragraph should be "peoples'" or "peoples's".
40. "Typically" is awkward. "Most White people" would be better, and says the same thing.
41. "Blacks have not waged this war." Colin Powell. Fact-check this, man!
42. "What you have to ask yourself is...." There should be a comma between "is" and "why."
43. The comma between "angry" and "Black" is unnecessary, as the first is modifying the second, as in "There's a big red truck!"
44. "Because, I'm right," doesn't need the comma.
45. "You hate me because I am a mirror to all the ugly things you work real hard to not see in yourself" should be: "...to all the ugly things you work hard not to see in yourself."
46. The bold and italics that begin the next paragraph are unnecessary, and culd be confused with the earlier section headings.
47. In the same paragraph, a comma should appear in this sentence, as shown: "I am an intelligent Black man with the skills to express myself in a multitude of ways, and that scares a lot of you."
48. In the same paragraph, a comma should appear between "aren't" and "and."
49. "JA**" should be "Jazz," since that is what it was formerly known by. The capitalized "A" is unnecessary, anyway.
50. I would provide some evidence that the African and African-American innovators of jazz aren't being credited with the creation of this music. I believe that the conventional wisdom is that they did. Also, the point is weak because to force all jazz musicians and writers to use "B.A.M." is to have the same effect on others that using "jazz" has on Payton.
51. "Before BAM took the world by storm, there was no place on this earth a Black person could ultimately enjoy freedom." Liberia. Fact-check it, man!
52. There is an extra "the" in the sentence, "That, in turn, affected how all whites looked at blacks the across the board." The bold "the" should be omitted.
53. Fact-check: Louis Armstrong and Duke Ellington both saw personal racial injustice, despite their musical stature.
54. "Post Racial" should be "post-racial," uncapitalized.
55. "POTUS" should be spelled out as "President of the United States." Also, this paragraph's point is weak, because the conventional wisdom agrees, rather than disagrees, with it.
56. "The Colored Fountain" doesn't need to be capitalized, or if anything in it does, it is only the word "Colored."
57. "We solve racism here and the world will be cured" should be "Solve racism here and..." or "If we solve racism here, the...."
58. This sentence should be: "Before BAM, I thought the only end to racism would be if we were all to schtupp one another and become some sort of colored person."
59. This sentence should be: "Now, I believe we can end racism if White people stopp trying to play God and accept the fact that they can't control everything."
60. Talking about the "White race" is weak because earlier Payton disavows its existence.
61. Payton is right about Hitler. But the Hitler card is so absurd it's better to take the high road and not mention it at all. Otherwise one takes the risk of appearing insecure or over-defensive, or merely petty.
62. I would fact-check whether all the people who called Payton Hitler were white. It may be true - there are some assholes out there - but assuming it with no evidence could alienate on-the-fence readers.
63. Avoid confusing "some" with "all." There are several instances here like this one:
This just goes to illustrate how some White people find the idea of BAM very threatening. It really kills them to give it up to Blacks for creating it. They own everything else, yet can’t acknowledge this one thing we ask.
The first sentence says "some White people," but the second implies "all white people." In fact, most whites in the jazz community unhesitatingly credit Africans and African-Americans with the creation of the music.
64. "It's real subtle" should be "it's really subtle." Without more slang and vernacular in the piece, this is a distracting departure.
65. In the same paragraph, the nearness of "point" and "points" is distracting.
66. I don't think that was PETA's point - I think they meant slavery in the 1850s, which was an animal-like existence in many terrible ways - but either way, this is a weak tangent which only distracts from Payton's main point. It isn't essential, so could be omitted.
67. This final paragraph seems to be an almost verbatim repetition of an earlier paragraph. Use one or the other; not both.
Well, there we have it! Sixty-seven typos, grammatical errors, or questionable compositional judgements. Brought to you by Jon Wertheim, the son of an English professor at Bowdoin College.
omgosh this is soo funny. thank you so much for trying to shed some light hearted and good natured laugher into this whole debacle.
Posted by: DanMichael Reyes | 12/18/2011 at 01:11 PM